For 15 days I’ve been trying hard to watch TV since my computer had died. This post is a result of that. It might look stupid, but it might serve as a hint to corporate buffoons who want to “protect the kids”.

For those not in the know, let me tell you that Hungama TV is a kids’ TV channel which airs on Indian television. It was previously owned by Sab TV, but has now been taken over by Disney. It used to be the best back when it was owned by Sab, and has now lost some of it’s old spirit of fun, but since most of the old crew seems to have stuck around, it’s still much better than other TV channels, even under Disney’s corporate-ish management that shudders at creativity and innovation (face it, Disney is not the company it once was).

First of all, an explanation is in place. Why would a 17 year old want to watch cartoons anyway? The answer is very simple. I watch very little TV, and avoid it altogether if possible, but when I do switch it on, at the end of the day, I expect something that would help me unwind. I like something funny and lighthearted, or something so mind numbingly violent that it helps me overcome all the stress I’ve been exposed to all day. I can’t stand anything else. Since most programs with humans in them tend to be talk shows, news or soaps and the old television in my room does not catch really cool channels like AXN and Star World,the only option left is cartoons.

Moreover, I like cartoons better than real people anyway. Real people are boring. Real people do things they are expected to do. Real people are normal, and think dutifully about things that really matter. Cartoons are colorful, unexpected and fresh. They don’t grow old and die. They can do things real people only dream about doing. In my short life, I have only liked two shows that have featured people : Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Scrubs.

There are 6 major kids’ channels in India : Disney Channel, Toon Disney, Hungama TV, Pogo, Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. The first thing you notice about Hungama TV is the name itself, which makes it stand out. “Pogo”? Lame. “Cartoon Network”? Too corporate. “Nickelodeon”? What language is this? But “Hungama TV” is a smart, catchy name that gets the point across. Every kid across the nation knows what it means (“hungama” roughly translates to “chaos”), and it stands out from the crowd.

Most of the above mentioned channels assume kids are meant to be protected. Pogo even assumes that kids would try to emulate the stunts from Mr. Bean, and displays a warning! Every art/craft program on Pogo is preceded by a PG warning, and a PG logo is displayed on the top left of the screen at all times.

If you watch Disney Channel, Toon Disney and Cartoon Network, you will hardly be able to tell the difference between the three. They seem old and tired out. There is nothing that would make you go “wow!”.

Switch over to Hungama TV. On Christmas, when every channel was busy displaying good old Santa with his round tummy, his adorable “ho ho ho!” and reindeer pulling his sled through the snow, Hungama TV was showing Santa Bhai, an Indianized Santa that advertised upcoming shows and movies in Mumbai street slang, danced to “Potli Ke Andar Kya Hai?” (“What’s Inside the Bag?”) with girls, albeit fully clothed ones, and made fun of sensationalist news shows (“Chain se sona hai to jaagna padega!”). International television networks have tried to introduce an Indian taste into their channels, but only Hungama TV has managed to do it in a way that, for a change, does not make Indian culture seem conservative and lame.

The Hungama theme song, too, is the sort of song you can really dance to. The song makes fun of reality shows, talk shows and soaps and the video shows kids taking over all television broadcast and wreaking havoc on the sets of these shows. “Humein chaahiye show sharaba aur dhamal …”, a snippet from the Hungama theme song, roughly translates to “We want to make noise and go totally wild …”. This song reminds me of Roald Dahl books.

MTV has completely destroyed their channel, Nickelodeon. They have failed to “Indianize” it, they removed their best shows (like Ren & Stimpy) to compete on the same brain dead level as Pogo, and are now running utterly stupid animes like Ninja Hattori and Perman that nobody has ever heard about. Cartoon Network has the usual dogpile of Gendy Tartakasomething crap, and Pogo has Noddy and friends.

Hungama TV, on the other hand, shows Hindi dubs of Crayon Shin Chan. They have also managed to secure the rights to shows like Doraemon and KochiKame. Indians can connect to these Japanese shows since, unlike America, Japan actually has a culture. Moreover, there is something for everybody in Shin Chan and KochiKame. In fact, even my mom thinks Shin Chan is cool.

International TV networks need to realize that this is India. People back here are not obsessed with protecting their children from anything and everything. In India, kids are kids. Individuals that need to see and learn from real life rather than being locked up in comfortable, air conditioned rooms with parents hovering continuously around them to make sure they watch the right TV shows, play the right video games, listen to the right music. Back here, Kyle’s mom really is a bitch.

“Jo naa kare pyjama”, eh?