I Know the Pieces Fit
Posted by: generalmaximus on: April 22, 2009
I was having trouble publishing this post. I wonder if I should even put this online. Oh well. I’m getting fucked anyway.
I don’t know how I should feel about coming back here. BA! was my whine blog. It was an outlet for things I couldn’t say directly to people. During class 11 and 12, I needed this blog to keep my sanity. Although writing long winded rants about how you hate the world is nothing to be ashamed of, I felt I had moved on from that stage.
I just realized how wrong I was. And this time, it’s worse than ever.
I never mentioned it anywhere online, but college has been pure Hell. The retards who run educational institutions have no idea what education means. The next three years of my life are officially wasted. Explaining how much this hurts me will take ages, so I won’t delve into that right now. College woes are not what brought me back here.
A few weeks ago, me, m1k3y and Kitallis had a little, um, accident. I messed up, which could potentially have meant trouble for both m1k3y and Kitallis. It wasn’t a big accident. In fact, it was the kind of accident people laugh about after a few weeks. Also, I convinced my parents to drop the issue. But then my parents blamed m1k3y for the trouble because they have always thought he was a “bad influence”. Now m1k3y is pissed at me because my parents think he’s pure evil. At least that’s what I gather from whatever little he has told me. I don’t have much to go by here.
And then I bravely ventured forth to “fix” everything.
I guess I should just stay away from introspective conversations. I’m not too good at them. I wonder how I did, but I have good reason to feel I’ve just made things worse. The parties involved should know that I meant well. It was nothing against you. I was trying to make a point, but I probably failed to communicate that to you. I’m going to try my best to put my point in words, but I don’t know if I’ll succeed. What I’ve been trying to tell so many people is a gut feeling, not a series of facts I can put down in writing. So, here goes nothing at all.
Things are wrong. I know it. We have never been like this. We have always been whiny, narcissistic assholes, of course, but we have never been so … dark. I mean, the stuff we’ve been doing for the past few months is just plain disgusting. We haven’t been ourselves at all. Where’s that energy that made us just do stuff? I clearly remember how we used to just sit around at school and waste time laughing at nothing in particular. Nothing of that sort has happened for a long time. Our discussions used to be intellectual, now they’re about pop culture icons and … you know what. We spend too much time whining about things, and too little time doing anything. Where have the ideas gone? And let’s just not talk about the things Sid and Daddy have been doing.
In short: we’re utterly useless. In fact, we’re liabilities. And I want to fix that. Only, I’m having trouble putting this down in words. I just want to get back to building things and doing cool stuff, and I want to do it with people I care about.
How do I convince everyone that we need to fucking wake up? How do I convince everyone that we’re worth more than what we think we are? How do I get everyone to drop the habits we’ve picked up in the past year and get back to work?
A guy who got into one of the top colleges in the country is wasting his time reading random blogs and playing pool. A creative guy who’s interested in all sorts of things – from reading great books to dancing to crappy 90’s music – has vanished somewhere. A law school undergrad with a brain the size of a planet is probably getting drunk as I write this. A guy who loves building cool things spends his nights stoned. An artist is probably smoking away his life somewhere. A Ruby programmer has suddenly turned sour at the world – for reasons beyond my comprehension. And me? I’m sitting here, writing another long rant which nobody is going to read anyway. I guess everyone is happy in their own way, but I’m certainly not. With the way things are going, we won’t have anything to remember these days by. It’s going to be a dull, gray journey to a lackluster graduation followed by a crappy 9 to 5 job. And then we die.
Quoting Sir Eric Theodore Cartman: “How do I reeeach these keedz?”
I have only this to say:
I know the pieces fit
‘Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering
Fundamentally differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers’ souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication
PS: I don’t know about you, but I can’t tell you how much I look forward to meeting you guys. Everyone. And talk.
10 Responses to "I Know the Pieces Fit"
April 22, 2009 at 10:02 pm
And you know what bitch, I was just listening to Emotional Attyachaar, rock version, and I was amazed how correctly it applies to my life (which I already told you, I guess) but it also very accurately fits into the emotional attyachaar that I am going through because of you. Try listening to each line in the lyrics and understand what I feel about you.
April 22, 2009 at 11:12 pm
> Do not use rhetoric on people who are already pissed at
> you.
Yes, I got that. I’m pretty bad at it. Heck, I’ve managed to piss people off at college :p
> Trying to get to their emotional side by using
> manipulative techniques, saying things that you don’t
> believe in, or do not know about never helps.
Trust me, I do know what I was trying to say. And I completely believe in what I was saying. I still stand by every single word of it. You might also like to go back to your chatlogs and see that I always said that “we” were wasting our time. I never said “Apoorv, you and only *you* are the one who’s wasting time while the rest of the world is busy being productive”.
> I was thinking about the possibility where you have
> been bubblegummed, where you *ACTUALLY* do
> believe that we are somehow losing skill, creativity,
> talent and are maybe spiraling into doom because of
> something that we use as ‘tool’ for fun.
I *will* start coding again. But I’ll buy it with my own fucking money. No, I do not believe we are “spiraling into doom”. I just believe that the way we are going, we won’t have anything to show for these 4 years of college. This is a chance to do crazy stuff, a chance we are missing out on. Yes, we *have* lost skill and creativity. Sure, you might be doing really well at college, but (and I’m sorry to use this word) any idiot can do that. Real skill lies in going beyond what those old farts at college expect of you. Real skill lies in blowing everyone away with your Real Ultimate Power. We had that skill, but now it’s lying dormant somewhere.
> The next time we go, no one will even try to call you.
> We have left you alone.
Do you even realize why I’m spending time writing these posts? It’s because you guys are the only *really* intelligent people I know. Yeah, thanks for banishing me.
> … and somehow try to “fix” it, and desperately FAIL
> because there was nothing to fix in the first place.
Yes, I have that syndrome. That’s because I fucking care. Trying to tell someone, “Hey! You’re really smart and have the potential to change the world, but you’re too lazy to do that” is now called “fixing” things. I wonder where you learned that.
> In fact, you like our physics teacher at school, are
> having a hard time digesting the fact that I can, pretty
> easily balance everything that is going on in my life.
I never said you couldn’t. I only said you need to wake up and *do* something. Blow people away. You can surely add that to your hectic schedule.
> I can do my engineering degree, I can make money, I
> can have fun, I can pursue creative hobbies, add things
> to my resume and build stuff that is AMAZING, while
> *coding* for fun at times when I feel the pressure
> building up.
And yet you do none of that. You’ve stopped posting to RutSum as frequently as you used to, you have no hobbies (reading blogs is not a hobby), you’re not adding anything to your resume and you’re certainly not building things that are amazing. All you’re doing is *coding*. I have no objections with coding. Heck, I will code again one day. The only problem I have is that all of us have stagnated. I don’t like that.
> That’s how I work. That’s how I like it to work. I whine,
> I bitch, I cry. I do it too much. But I don’t think its bad
> or hampers anything. It is what I WANT to do, and not
> what my parents or the society wants me to do.
If you’re deluded enough to think I give a rat’s ass about “society” or “expectations”, I recommend you go back and read through the BA! archives.
> Give it time to sink in …
Yeah, now I get it. This is something you should have said a long time ago. You’re satisfied with mediocrity. So be it. I won’t annoy you again.
> … burst the bubblegum ‘bubble’ your parents or your
> honest friend at college have trapped you in.
None of my “honest” friends care about “expectations” and whatever the fuck you were going on about. Pulkit shits on society. Your whining is *nothing* compared to the kind of things he says about society, IPU and everything else. And as for my parents, they will always support me in what *I* want to do – as long as it’s the right thing to do. So no, nobody can “bubblegum” me. I’m bubblegum proof.
I have no idols. This is what I tell everyone. But if I was given to choose *one* person I’d like to be, it would be Steve Jobs. Not because he makes shiny stuff, but because he made a dent in the universe, and he did it by not giving a shit about anything besides Apple. So you can go back to playing pool, while I find another intelligent being somewhere who’s ready to do something awesome. Mind you, this is a herculean task. Intelligent folk are hard to come by.
> … douche …
Thanks for the personal attack. I really appreciate that.
I go to a guy and tell him, “Dude, you’re awesome. Only, you have these few faults, faults I admit to having, too. We can overcome these and do something great together”. And the guy replies, “STFU, douche. You have been bubblegummed. This is how I roll”. Being the nice guy who gets shit on all the time isn’t paying off.
> … I was just listening to Emotional Attyachaar, rock version, and I was amazed
> how correctly it applies to my life …
Dude, seriously? Don’t you ever feel you might be *thinking* too much? Stop being a drama queen and man up. Go take a walk.
April 22, 2009 at 11:23 pm
> Dude, seriously? Don’t you ever feel you might be *thinking* too much?
> Stop being a drama queen and man up. Go take a walk.
STFU. We/I are not thinking too much. We’re just having a little fun once a week. We are doing that since the time we all met.
BTW I’m more creative than ever before, my mind trips, ideas ooze.
April 23, 2009 at 12:05 am
@Apoorv
I guess that means you have no rebuttal to offer. It’s great to know that once again I’m right.
@Kitallis
You’re okay. You’re not wasting your life. This post wasn’t for you. And as I said before, who cares if you grab a little drink once in a while?
April 23, 2009 at 5:15 pm
HELLO… ummm akshay told me all this … n told me to read all this…
so i came to this place with internet… its t0o fuking hot in this room n black south indians r farting AROUNF ME as i type…. i’ll try not to faint b4 i m finishd typing this reply…
things hv nt changed much… in skool also we used to fight and get pissed at each other.. n even now we hv done smthing similar..
Ankur, i understand wat u feel abt all this… u think all this we r doing is smthing which all chutiyas do who dont hv any ambition in life… no gr8 ideas… all they wanna do is get drunk… get stoned.. listen to music… n go off to sleep… But.. the way we do it is different.. we do it smtimes jst to hang out together.. spend some good time wid each other n talk abt wat we think of various things in life…
GETTING GREAT IDEAS IS SO EASY WEN U R HIGH… the way ppl like us luk at weed n other things is not the same as other chutiyas think of it… (i m trying very hard to cnvey my thoughts but smone is playing ‘Chakde India’ here at a vry loud volume so its slowing down my mind lyk nething)
See if ne1 of us has the potential to change this fukin wrld.. nothing in the universe can stop us… so u dnt worry abt that..
the problm all of us hv had since always was that u tELL many things to ur parents which are nt meant to be told.. u should hv sm faith in ur self n sm confidence to handle a few things n keep them to urself..
thats wat a person with a strong character n self confidence wud do.. N to do smthing big.. smthing out of this wrld which can change d world u need both self cnfidence n a strong character.. wat was d need to tell nething to them.. it was an act which cud hv been avoided 4 gud.. n wouldn’t have had a bad effect on ne1 if u dint do it..
we r old enuff to handle a few things in life on our own… irfi, kitti,me n our frnd in DC r enuff to fucking blow this planet neday… small things lyk these can nvr take away any of our’s intellgence…
many ppl here who r doing Phd n stuff are stoners… they say that getting stoned is the only way they can cntinue to publish research papers.. they say that wen they were non stoners their thinking ws bound.
and now there minds r fucking free to wander newhere in the universe.. they think of the possibilities which no common man can even dream of… so all these things r good 4 beautiful minds like our’s 
THE BIGGEST FUCK UP IS THAT U TELL MANY THINGS TO UR PARENTS.. ALL OF US WANT U TO START SOLVING AND FACING PROBLMS ON UR OWN… n if u feel u cant.. jst call any of us… we’ll fuck ne problem which comes ur way..
PEACE NOW. STOP CURSING EACH OTHER… WE’LL PARTY NEXT MNTH.. I M COMING ON 4TH MAY… YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY.
n y d fuk did u tell them that u drank with me 4 d 1st time?? ( absolutly illogical on ur part to tell this…)
April 23, 2009 at 7:07 pm
No more friggin’ debate. I don’t care. We’ll talk about it when we meet.
April 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm
FROM SID AND KIT :
Hehe, Uncool I think you forgot that you can’t meet us again, since you’re not allowed to do that after you puked everything out.
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April 22, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I had a conversation about this post with Kit today.
1) Do not use rhetoric on people who are already pissed at you. Trying to get to their emotional side by using manipulative techniques, saying things that you don’t believe in, or do not know about never helps.
2) I was thinking about the possibility where you have been bubblegummed, where you *ACTUALLY* do believe that we are somehow losing skill, creativity, talent and are maybe spiraling into doom because of something that we use as ‘tool’ for fun. You aren’t interested, fine, we get that. You have made it PRETTY clear, trust me. The next time we go, no one will even try to call you. We have left you alone.
3) The third possibility (which is highly unlikely cause you’re a douche) is that you’ve somehow caught the ’save your friends’ syndrome where you think that “In short: we’re utterly useless. In fact, we’re liabilities.” and somehow try to “fix” it, and desperately FAIL because there was nothing to fix in the first place. In fact, you like our physics teacher at school, are having a hard time digesting the fact that I can, pretty easily balance everything that is going on in my life. I can do my engineering degree, I can make money, I can have fun, I can pursue creative hobbies, add things to my resume and build stuff that is AMAZING, while *coding* for fun at times when I feel the pressure building up. That’s how I work. That’s how I like it to work. I whine, I bitch, I cry. I do it too much. But I don’t think its bad or hampers anything. It is what I WANT to do, and not what my parents or the society wants me to do. Here’s an example for you that Kit and me discussed in our chat, douche,
“9:20:52 PM m1k3y: i want to do what i actually WANT to do
9:20:53 PM pie brotha: dunno, shitty implied that we were a lot more creative back then
9:21:00 PM m1k3y: and not what others expect me to do
9:21:36 PM m1k3y: we were doing stuff that our parents/friends/society thought that were ‘good’ traits in a kid
9:21:45 PM pie brotha: Exactly.
9:21:47 PM m1k3y: like even non-usual stuff
9:22:20 PM m1k3y: people think that if a 3 year old rips apart a computer and has fun connecting and studying the parts
9:22:29 PM m1k3y: they think he’s a kid whiz
9:22:57 PM m1k3y: and will become a great hardware engineer or electronics scientist someday
9:23:19 PM m1k3y: when actually the dude may grow up to WANT to become a rock star
9:23:32 PM m1k3y: because music is his passion, it is what he wants to do,
Changed status to Away (9:23:46 PM)
Changed status to Online (9:23:47 PM)
9:23:50 PM m1k3y: and computers may just be his ‘ok seems interesting time pass stuff”
So if I am reading random blogs or playing pool, it is because its what I WANT to do. I don’t care if it fetches me money or not. I have my engineering degree for money. Maybe you think that proving the Einstein’s Mass Energy equation to be wrong would be correct use of my intellect, but exactly, that is WHAT you think. You think that would be creative, or would amount to doing something productive, or would be AWESOME. I’d rather spend that time playing pool or you know, *coding*. Try reading this again, and try to suck it in. Give it time to sink in, you won’t get it until you’ve burst the bubblegum ‘bubble’ your parents or your honest friend at college have trapped you in.